What About Your Friends?
Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. ~Anais Nin
Great day!
I hope this post finds you well.
If not, stop what you are doing and smile! You may feel strange, but try it!
What is friendship? Do we even know anymore? As a society?
I often reflect on the friendships I’ve had throughout my life. Some of the things I reflect on include: why and how the friendship started, why and how it ended (if it did), where the friendship is now from when it started and so much more.
A good quote from Brian Chalker’s poem; A Reason A Season and A lifetime:
People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
I also notice the relationships those around me experience with others. Observing the contrast in relationship dynamics between families; my own and others as well as friendships. Recognizing the differences and similarities, communication styles and vibes.
Relationship dynamics is an everlasting and ever-evolving topic!
Something I read once was explaining how everyone knows a different version of you. Which, to me, is so interesting. This realization has helped me to understand myself and others much more deeply!
A topic I will be writing on in the future.
In my life experience, I have always been the go to, the one to call on who’s always willing to step up and help out. Whenever someone has an issue, I’m there! Need a shoulder, I got you! Huge decisions or dilemma and can’t decide or find a way, I will take it on, as-if-my-own, coming up with multiple options to consider and the best possible solutions for their issues…. no sweat.
At times, I seemingly put my life on hold, or at the least there was a noticeable (to me) slow down being so immersed within another’s life, taking on others’ issues, and responsibilities . Not to say I was non-functioning in my own life. I functionally maintained my life, in a sort of rinse and repeat flow. Rather than working towards goals, dealing with my own issues, or forward movement in my own life - taking on the role of the ‘fixer’ I became the person many called to unload their entire lives on. I met all of the basic requirements to maintain the life I was living, what I didn’t notice, at the same time I was losing who I was.
Looking back, I’ve realized how much pressure always being that person placed on my life. Living with limited boundaries and taking on everyone else’s issues, most of my life was like a blur. (Think like the movie: Click)
Despite the difficult lessons all of that taught me, I frequently discover underlying advantages. In the process, I have become a chameleon of sorts.
This has strengthened my ability to see, feel, hear, understand, innerstand and relate to various people, viewpoints and perspectives.
For me, this is a gifted blessing that I enjoy sharing with others.
Another thing I noticed within my relationships, I was either keeping my personal issues to myself, or was never getting the space to share them in these connections. Being a private person, I can say, most times it was exactly that. I tend to keep people at a certain distance. I really never go out of my way to unload my issues onto another. I've also experienced instances when I have tried opening up and it backfired in some way, shape or form. So naturally, I like to keep my personal life to myself.
As I've gotten older, I have realized how much of an issue this has been in my life also.
Despite being there for people when needed, some perceived me as fake, conceited or stuck-up because I had no "issues" of my own. That was always the furthest thing from the truth, but I can say not many got that.
Mostly because I kept it to myself.
When asked how I was doing, I would simply say, "I'm good" and keep the conversation moving.
But relationships are about give and take, about compromise, balance, and equilibrium. We have all experienced one sided relationships where one person, sometimes us, took far more than we ever put into the relationship. Many times this is a completely unconscious occurrence. Whatever the reason, it sucks being on the fall side of that connection.
That is why it's so important to review relationships. Look at your connection with others and try to view from an outside perspective. Why am I in a relationship with this person? What are some of the benefits of this relationship? What have I learned from this relationship? Am I growing in this relationship? Is there a balance or cohesion in this relationship?
Societally and historically, maintaining a relationship was a sought after goal and respected effort.
But looking back, we see many times where relationships were 'maintained' usually at the detriment to one or all parties involved.
This isn't to say pick apart all of your relationships and start cutting people off, no. But, it is a huge relief, if a relationship does need to end to be able to end it on good terms with an appreciation for what was learned and gained through the relationship. As well as an understanding that perhaps the involved parties are at different places, want different things, going different directions or whatever the case may be. Rather than holding on because of some false ideal of what all relationships should be.
Thinking on it this way, that quote makes so much more sense.
People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.~Brian Chalker~
There can be an appreciation for the purpose each relationship serves in your life, and an acceptance when the relationship has run its course. This mindset can foster life-long connections that don't need to be directly connected, but can be tapped into throughout the rest of each persons' life!
Thank you for taking the time to connect with my work.
⁂In Love
🪶Introverted Sage
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