Resuscitated

We each fell from the womb of life when the waters of the inner sea broke and it came time for us to breathe on our own. ~Michael Meade~

Feb 14, 2025

Great day!

I hope this post finds you well.

If not, stop what you are doing and smile! You may feel strange, but try it!

It feels like it's been forever since I made a post like this. I've been taking my time to come back to writing because most times when I write, letting myself flow, I experience more of a visceral reaction than I prefer. Drudging up more shit to look at and process and release.

As long as it took me to get out the last set of poems (mini-series), with all that I was bringing up and releasing in reliving those memories, I also needed time to accept how much my life has changed and how incredibly blessed I have been. I couldn't be more thankful for the blessings I've received, and I've had an incredible amount of peace surrounding me since I moved.

Looking back at some of my old writing, I see how much pain I was in. How confused and lost I was in all of the madness and turmoil and how much blame I placed on myself. Outside looking in, or in reflection naturally, alternate perspectives are available and there is usually a more dispassionate opinion once things have settled.

I can see where I went wrong I can also see where I let things continue for too long to keep the peace, allowing others to dissuade me from what I knew in my heart and many other things I could have done better. Eventually, I got to the point where I was ready to accept the person I was, grieve all of these experiences, and forgive myself for allowing things I was never okay with. I learned to forgive myself for not knowing my own power in these situations and for not believing in myself enough when I wish I could have the most. When I needed it the most.

What is life but a constant lesson of facing yourself and learning to rise above adversity and hardship? Consciously trying to be a better person than you were the day before. Learning to adapt your perspective towards what is most natural for you personally, without outside influence and for your highest good.

Outside perspective for me never really worked anyway. People had their own trauma and history flavouring their words; and most things never really fit for me, my perspective or my life.

Sitting with myself and coming to an understanding of why I acted and reacted in the ways I did and also coming to terms with and accepting the ways others have acted has been an incredible learning experience. In general, the way the mind works has always fascinated me, the way people come to the conclusions they do and the way environment and lifestyle have such an influence on that.

I can't say it was an easy process because it certainly wasn’t. But wisdom comes with experience. I would not be the person I am without all that I went through. I also think I would probably be a shittier person without some of the humbling I’ve received. But I'm blessed now to have a heart full of love rather than a heart full of hate. Taking time and space away from the outside world to find myself again healed so much inside and truly helped immensely. I am so much stronger than I was. I look back at where I've been, how broken I was, and I just want to hug old me and let them know everything would eventually be alright.

In addition to everything external, I suffered so much in my mind and to finally have clarity and release from those things is an amazing blessing. Finding ways to clear my mind and my body of toxins has been endlessly freeing. It's so incredible looking back at myself throughout this process and even a year ago. My mentality is so much brighter, and I am forever thankful I continued and never gave up despite feeling I wanted to so many times.

One thing I realized many times over was that in the moment, it is hard to find appreciation for things that seem to be constantly against you or knocking you down. However eventually, at some point, it's over and the lessons and sometimes even blessings can be seen. Many times we fight ourselves more than we 'fight' others, but having patience with ourselves throughout the healing process is so needed.

You can never say or know if you are fully healed. Anything can happen and potentially re-open old wounds. This is where having grace, love and patience with yourself is so important. Taking the time to look at what is coming up and dealing with it the best way you can. Accepting where you are in the process and moving forward from there.

I love that my mind is so open and I can accept everything I am. It has taken a lot to get here but it really is incredibly freeing. I no longer feel shame for anything I have experienced, done or been. I am a better person than I was the day before and every day of my life and that is a beautiful thing. Healing takes time, patience, acceptance and unconditional love. Once I realized that for myself, I began to notice how much space that opened up for me to help facilitate that in others.

Relatable Quotes:

The real risk in this life has always been that of becoming oneself amidst the uncertainties of existence.

~Michael Meade~

As we go through life, we gradually discover who we are, but the more we discover, the more we lose ourselves.

~Haruki Murakami~

What is to be learned [about life] is too elusively simple to be grasped without struggle, surrender, and experiencing of how it is.

~Sheldon B. Kopp~

Life roars at us when it wants or needs us to change. Ultimately, change means transformation, a shifting from one form to another that involves the magic of creation. The trouble with entrenched oppositions is that each side becomes increasingly one-sided and single minded and unable to grow or meaningfully change. In the blindness of fear and the willfulness of abstract beliefs, people forget or reject the unseen yet essential unity that underlies all the oppositions in life.

~Michael Meade~