Fail Safe

Birds make great sky-circles of their freedom. How do they learn it? They fall, and falling, they're given wings. ~Rumi~

Introverted Sage

Nov 23, 2024

Great day!

I hope this post finds you well.

If not, stop what you are doing and smile! You may feel strange, but try it!

Welcome back!

The last post and poem in the mini-series is Fail Safe and will be accompanied by a bonus poem - Over Due.

Finally concluding this mini-series, I am excited to get started on the upcoming posts.
Some of the coming articles will include topics like: self-created energy fields, heart opening, the many versions of self we are known by, integrity in life and work and tulpamancy. I can’t wait to share my perspective and engage with others on these topics.

Fail Safe and Over Due being the final poems in the mini-series are about breaking free from the chains of the mind and circumstances that kept me seemingly frozen in time, repeating the same sad and miserable cycles.

In my last post, I mentioned a big move! Finally, moving off of my Pluto and Saturn lines felt like that perpetual dark cloud that followed me around had lifted. I still go through things and have life to deal with. However, it seems a bit easier to breathe.
With all that I have experienced, looking back on my life, myself and who I have become, I can say that I hardly recognize the person I was before. Coming back to myself has been such a process. However the internal fortitude gained is irreplacable. I’m so thankful for where I am now.

So let’s dissect this poem

The first stanza touches on coming to the realization that for most of my life, I have felt like I allowed others to tell me who I was or who I should be.
Leaving that relationship and the attempts to rebuild my life was such a mentally taxing experience. Not to mention, living on my Pluto, Saturn and Chiron lines, it seemed that with every step I took forward, an avalanche would knock me back. I got to the point of fearing even trying to make a move, which in turn only increased the feelings of misery and depression. Everything seemed to be working against me, and finding my way out seemed like it would never come.

The second stanza starts with how incredibly sensitive I had become. Abuse in all forms can have detrimental effects on the psyche. Interactions with others became more and more difficult to where even the slightest sense of another's mood or demeanor change would completely disrupt my central nervous system. Realizing despite everything, I needed to find a way out and that no one could pull me out of my misery besides me.

Personally, I believe there is no such thing as coincidence. Situations, people and events come into our lives for a reason. In the third stanza, I talk about coming to accept that a move is imminent and needing to break free from the situation I had found myself in. I knew it was coming, and in the planning stages and deciding where I would move, something in me knew where and when despite doubting what I knew and the messages I was getting. So naturally, I resisted. Putting this into action was such a whirlwind of experiences. As I said, no matter what I tried, it seemed like there were constant forces working against me, seemingly refusing to let me leave. Tests of my will, maybe. But I knew if I didn't leave life would continue to get increasingly worse for me.

In the fourth stanza, I write about what it felt like to finally make it out. While everything seemed to be working against me and all that I experienced, I was so thankful to make it out alive. Though I felt like parts of me died there, these things I went through ultimately made me stronger.

In the last stanza, I am finally where I was guided to be. Still on edge and a bit raw from recent experiences, I understood that I was led to where I am for a reason. I am hopeful and excited to see what is to come.

Relatable Quotes:

Real beauty is so deep you have to move into darkness to understand it.

~Barry Lopez~

In alchemy one goes through four stages of development: the nigredo, in which one experiences the darkness and depression of life; the albedo, in which one sees the brightness of things; the rubedo, where one discovers passion; and finally the citrino, where one appreciates the goldenness of life.

~Robert A. Johnson~

If everything around seems dark, look again, You may be the light.

~Rumi~

If I knew who I was, I would have a better explanation.
Drug myself through the darkness, trying to find a revelation.
But all I found was more devastation. Adding to this crippling hesitation.

The wind blows and my house falls down.
Shallow pools - just as easy to drown.
Facing myself, I never belonged in that town.
Gasping for air, but couldn't make a sound.

Forces making moves before I accept my fate.
Times up, already knew, predicted dates.
Somehow.. my confidence was late.
Adding more layers. Attracting the hate.

Lace up my shoes.
Taking everything I have to walk away from the abuse.
Nothing to lose.
Everything on my plate, perform, acting and do.
Barely make the destination
Body broken. Ego's bruised.

But I'm here.
Sense tells me, I've not much to fear.
Ancestors whispered in my ear.
Spread your wings now, the coast is clear.

Can you feel me near...

~Ruby L.S.~

©️2023I.S.

A second chance - second breath
another heartbeat.
Movement coming in faster
have to get back on my feet.
Let it all go. Who I am
Who I was and who I had to become.
Hold my breath - fake my death
and bite my tongue.
Excitement grows
But my troubled heart knows
what shaped me.
And my life's just begun
getting from under that thumb.